Slides and Viewgraphs
- Use lots of slides and viewgraphs. A rule of thumb is one for each
10 seconds of time allotted for your talk. If you don't have enough, borrow
the rest from the previous speaker, or cycle back and forth between slides
and viewgraphs.
- Put as much information on each slide and viewgraph as possible. Graphs
with a dozen or so crossing lines, tables with at least 100 entries, and
maps with 20 or 30 units are especially effective; but equations, particularly
if they contain at least 15 terms and 20 variables, are almost as good. A high
density of detailed and marginally relevant data usually preempts penetrating
questions from the audience.
- Use small print. Anyone who has not had the foresight to either sit
in the front row or bring a set of binoculars is probably not smart enough
to understand your talk anyway.
- Use figures and tables directly from publications. They will help you
to accomplish goals 2 and 3 above and minimize the amount of preparation
for the talk. If you haven't published the work, use illustrations from an
old publication. Only a few people in the audience will notice anyway.
- Make sure at least one slide and viewgraph is upside down or sideways.
This relieves tension in the room.
|
Presentations
- Don't organize your talk in advance. It is usually best not even to think
about it until your name has been announced by the session chair. Above all,
don't write the talk out, for it may fall into enemy hands.
- Never, ever, rehearse, even briefly. Talks are best when they are given
spontaneously with thoughts organized in a random fashion. Leave it as an
exercise for the listener to assemble your thoughts properly and make some
sense out of what you say.
- Discuss each slide and viewgraph in complete detail, especially those
parts inrrelevant to the main points of your talk. If you suspect that there
is anyone in the audience who is not asleep, return to a previous slide
and discuss it again.
- Face the projection screen, mumble, and talk as fast as possible,
especially while making important points. An alternate strategy is to speak
very slowly, leave every other sentence uncompleted, and punctuate each
thought with ''ahhh,'', ''unhh'', or something equallly informative.
- Wave the light pointer around the room, or at least move the beam
rapidly about the slide image in small circles. If this is done properly,
it will make 50% of the people in the front three rows (and those with
binoculars) sick.
- Use up all of your allotted time and at least half, if not all, of the
next speaker's. This avoids foolish and annoying questions and forces the
chairman to ride herd on the following speakers. Remember, the rest of
the speakers don't have anything important to say anyway. If they had,
they would have been assigned times earlier than yours.
|